How Our Brains Trip Us Up #4: Disqualifying the Positive
The ‘How Our Brains Trip Us Up’ blog series is pulled together from content written for but not ultimately included in my book, Why You Skipped Your Workout. If you’d like to read more and do the exercises associated with this content, they are included in Chapter 8 - Your Self Talk is Biased Too.
Think of those days that everything goes well. Even the series of red lights on your way to work lets you enjoy your favourite song for longer. Then think of those days that everything is going wrong, and those red lights are just another sign that today is going to suck.
Some of the differences between these two days are in our thoughts, or more specifically, our thinking errors…
Read about other thinking errors here:
All or Nothing Thinking
Overgeneralisation
Thinking Error #4
Disqualifying the Positive
INTRO
“It was nothing really.”
“It wasn’t that hard.”
“Yeah, but I made a mistake here.”
Disqualifying positives means discrediting and excluding positive information in order to maintain a negative outlook. A good way to test for this is to think about how you receive compliments, do you get uncomfortable, excuse them, or add caveats?
Confession Time: How All Or Overgeneralising Shows Up for Me
I’m a big fan of sharing the messy middle and the behind the scenes, so for each thinking error I’ll share how it shows up for me.
Hilariously, all or nothing thinking showed up for me when I started this blog series - I wanted to adapt and finish all 10 blogs in one day, as well as doing my client work. A few years ago, I would have tried to complete that plan, fortunately, writing this blog was the perfect reminder that creating one blog today is still moving the needle.
Managing Disqualified Positives
Managing Disqualifying the Positive
Actively seek out, think on, and reaffirm that the positive feedback or achievements are yours. This can be uncomfortable, and can feel boastful if you’ve been told it’s rude to celebrate your own achievements, but we can’t work on negatives forever!
Start by accepting compliments with a simple “thank you”, as though you’ve been handed a perfect cup of tea. You’d never excuse away a cuppa, would you?
If you’re really deep in the positive-disqualifying loop, you can flip your responses to negative and positive feedback. If you’ve had negative feedback in the past from a coach, trainer, or PE teacher, imagine dismissing it as you would a compliment - refuse to own it. Then think of a positive comment you previously resisted and accept it wholly, just like you previously have with negative feedback. See how it feels to flip it!
When are you prone to overgeneralisations?
And if you’d like to read more, here are some books that cover thinking errors in interesting ways:
Why You Skipped Your Workout
The Little CBT Workbook
Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before)
