How Our Brains Trip Us Up #2: Over Generalisation
The ‘How Our Brains Trip Us Up’ blog series is pulled together from content written for but not ultimately included in my book, Why You Skipped Your Workout. If you’d like to read more and do the exercises associated with this content, they are included in Chapter 8 - Your Self Talk is Biased Too.
If you’re going all out on thinking errors and want more than all-or-nothing thoughts, you are going to love overgeneralisations…
Read about other thinking errors here:
All or Nothing Thinking
Thinking Error #2
Overgeneralisations
We always start with examples…
“I always give up.”
“I have never been good at [task or skill].”
“I give up every time I start something difficult”
This thinking error has just about as much chill as an oven. It takes one off or rare events and scales them up to apply to entire situations, characteristics, or people.
For many of my clients, this can look like someone running a successful business but completely focused on the tasks they’ve not got to yet - the social media accounts lying dormant, the updated services they want to offer, or the pitch they’ve been putting off. For these people, overgeneralising turns normal levels of productivity into “I never do what I need to”, or “I always avoid doing my marketing”, accompanied by a fresh dose of shame or guilt.
Confession Time: How All Or Overgeneralising Shows Up for Me
I’m a big fan of sharing the messy middle and the behind the scenes, so for each thinking error I’ll share how it shows up for me.
Hilariously, all or nothing thinking showed up for me when I started this blog series - I wanted to adapt and finish all 10 blogs in one day, as well as doing my client work. A few years ago, I would have tried to complete that plan, fortunately, writing this blog was the perfect reminder that creating one blog today is still moving the needle.
If you miss one day and decide you always give up or if you think you never do what you are supposed to, what can you do to manage overgeneralisations?
Managing Overgeneralisation
The easiest way to spot overgeneralisations is to look out for three key words. When you spot one of these words in your thoughts, it’s time to find an exception:
Always: Often this comes up as “I always give up”. An exception to this could be a time you started over, the number of days you kept up a recent win streak, or anything you’ve completed even if the process of completing it was rocky. You may want to try saying something like “I have tried a few different approaches, some lasting a few weeks, some lasting a few months, but they haven’t become settled in my life yet. I’d like to find something I can sustain for longer, and I’m still doing the work to find it!”
Every: Have you ever said something like “I stop every time it gets difficult”? Finding the exception here means reflecting on all of the times you’ve got back on the horse, navigated a difficult situation, or asked for help when you need it. Find the exceptions, create a new narrative to describe your situation, and keep going!
Never: I see this most frequently as “I have never been good at [skill or ability]”. While I am all for having a realistic account of our strengths and struggles, it’s easy to close ourselves off from learning and improvements. Ask where the ‘never’ is coming from - if it’s the result of a comment from a person from your past, it may not be the truth. If so, it’s time to look for improvements in this skill or ability, and notice that you can and have changed your performance here!
Once you’ve identified an overgeneralisation and found an exception, that is usually enough to pop the bubble!
Embrace nuance and look for always, every, and never.
When are you prone to overgeneralisations?
And if you’d like to read more, here are some books that cover thinking errors in interesting ways:
Why You Skipped Your Workout
The Little CBT Workbook
Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before)
